Dear Judgmental elderly man at the Las Vegas P.O Box,
Today you walked by my mom and I, and spoke some hurtful and humiliating words.
"You should be ashamed of yourself, you don't look handicapped at all."
"You should be ashamed of yourself, you don't look handicapped at all."
No sir, you should be ashamed of yourself for judging my mom who is having a better day today than most of the days she has had in the last five years.
Today, she woke up and showered by herself. Today she woke up and dressed herself. Completely and entirely by herself. Today she woke up in less pain, feeling happier with a slight hop in her step. If you knew half of what she has been through in the last five-ish years, you'd be so happy to see her walk from the car to inside the post office on her own. She walked in without the help of my hand, or taking 20 minutes to walk just merely a few steps in front of her. You may not see her run or jump, but seeing her walk with less pain than usual is no other than a miracle.
Today, she woke up and showered by herself. Today she woke up and dressed herself. Completely and entirely by herself. Today she woke up in less pain, feeling happier with a slight hop in her step. If you knew half of what she has been through in the last five-ish years, you'd be so happy to see her walk from the car to inside the post office on her own. She walked in without the help of my hand, or taking 20 minutes to walk just merely a few steps in front of her. You may not see her run or jump, but seeing her walk with less pain than usual is no other than a miracle.
My mom suffers from an INVISIBLE disease. A disease called Rheumatoid Arthritis in her spine. Which affects her ENTIRE body. Her body swells up, she has chronic pain from the tip of her head to the tip of her toes, her joints start to diminish, her bones become extremely fragile, and in time the disease is supposed to cause body deformities. Shoes stop fitting because of the swelling, and sometimes just the touch of a blanket fills her body with excruciating pain. Close to six years ago my mother was told she would be wheel chair bound by now. She told herself she would not and we are very blessed and thankful to the Lord that, thus far, she still walks.
To see my mom laugh, walk, and do things on her own is nothing short of a miracle. It was just a few years ago, that she was basically bed bound. Her faith, strength, determination, focus, and research has helped her get to where she is now.
Even though she has more good days, these days, she is not out of the woods just yet. She still can use a helping hand, she still suffers from chronic pain all over her body, but some days are less than others.
You might see her park in handicap, you might see her walk better than usual, and you might see her laugh. Don't diminish her positive stepping stones by insulting her. Don't ruin her decent day with your lack of manners. You may not have seen when she couldn't get out of bed, when she was screaming and in tears from the pain, when she lost her job, when she worried about the hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical debt that was coming her way, or when she started to lose hope, but please trust that she was given her handicap pass for a reason. A medical doctor chose to give it to her, to make her life a little easier while she continues to stay independent.
Handicap passes aren't for only ONE type of disability. Diseases, illnesses, disorders and or physical/mental handicaps all "look" differently. There isn't just ONE type of handicap. There isn't just ONE type of person who could use a little special treatment of not having to walk so far to allow them to live a somewhat normal life. There isn't a certain "look." It doesn't sound a certain way. It's different all around and everywhere you go. The only thing that is the same in all of them, is the word relief. Every person who suffers from something is worthy of a little bit of relief. A little help. A little understanding.
Handicap doesn't mean ONLY wheel chair bound or Elderly. There is a reason why a person is given a handicap parking pass. It isn't for fun, it's to help lessen the struggle a bit.
To the people who have an invisible disease, but continue to try and be as independent as possible, THANK YOU. To the people who are healthy, but use handicap parking passes just because they can, well, that is on you. To those who judge people for what they don't see or know, shame on you.
If you see someone who doesn't "look" handicap, instead of insulting them why not ask? why not call the police if it's that big of a deal? We keep our papers in the car at all times for people like you. People who assume the worst in others, instead of the best.
Even though your words cut like a knife, you did bring some good into my personal life. You reminded me that the silly, yet expressive, word "look" has made every single adult person on this planet be judgmental at least once in their life. Including myself. "She looks like...", "He looks like...", " They look like..."
I'm sure we have all thought or expressed this statement about someone we saw. We judge immediately to what we think someone looks like from the outside. You have reminded me not to. You have reminded me how painful it is to be judged by what others think you "look" like. I want to learn from this, be better and do better. My only hope is that people like you will want to as well.
Sincerely,
Ashley and the Invisible disease community.
